yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
