I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
