Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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