i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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