Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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