just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
