Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
