the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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