It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
