Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
