and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im holly from the hills drunk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
