hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We got so high we made milksteak
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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