Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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