The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize