does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
