ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Shame is for Republicans.
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