She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
