Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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