rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
