Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
