Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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