Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
