She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
