somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
