I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
