dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
