Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
