I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You pole danced in your parka.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize