My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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