well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
