At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
