If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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