scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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