dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
is it fun? or sober?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
