I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
