you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
