Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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