I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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