Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
