you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
