We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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