She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
