All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
