I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
