fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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