ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
