alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
