Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
