my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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