on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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