Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
