It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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