I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
