If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
