This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
