I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
