she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
