I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
