remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
