Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
