May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
