You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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