we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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