Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
