ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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