Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
