And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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