After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
