Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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