he was CRYING into my vagina
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
