So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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