So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
