you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Pooping to opera.
Randomize