I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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